


I saw you

by Bohemian (Linguam)



Series: Post 3x10: Erchomai [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: #SaveShadowhunters, Angst, Bad Parent Asmodeus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magicless Magnus, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Sad Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, What else is new, magnus is mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linguam/pseuds/Bohemian
Summary: “You were on the ground,” Magnus continues a few uneven breaths later, voice rough. “And you… you weren’t getting up, Alexander. And then Jace… the Owl… grabbed your arrow…”Alec squeezes his eyes shut to hold back his tears of frustration. He doesn’t care that he’s a Greater Demon: he is going tokillAsmodeus.





	I saw you

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again, dishing out The Angst. I'm terribly sorry, y'all, but I need to get these out before 3b airs. Bear with me.
> 
> This is on you, ralf. You can't say I didn't warn you.

“I saw you.”

They’re huddled together on the balcony couch, empty take-out boxes on the side table and a half-empty bottle of Bordeaux at their feet. The sky is dark velvet dotted with white flakes, an uncommon sight in the bright and polluted New York. Alec has no idea how long they’ve been sitting there, but then, he doesn’t care. If this is where Magnus wants to be, nothing short of the apocalypse could force him away. Possibly not even that.

“What?” he mumbles into Magnus’s hair, equally as quiet. It’s a fragile moment, as most times of reprieve are, these days, each of them clinging to every second of it with something akin to desperation. But they need it. Outside of their bubble, the city is a hubbub of chaos and sound. They need to pretend that everything isn’t falling apart around them, or else their sanity will crumble along with the rest of the world.

Alec feels Magnus’s Adam’s apple bobble against his shoulder as he swallows.

“I saw you,” Magnus repeats, subdued and tentative into Alec’s shirt. “When I was in Edom.”

Just like that, the peace is gone. The world piercing through their bubble with the lethal sharpness of an arrow.

“What?” Alec stutters, thoughts racing. “ _How?_ ”

“My father,” Magnus mutters, but he sounds resigned rather than bitter. “He thought I could use some incentive, so he… he showed me the alley. I saw you... your fight with Jace… the Owl.”

Alec’s eyes widen. Every thought freezes in its tracks.

 _No,_ he thinks, only partly aware that he’s shaking his head in denial. _No, no, no, no…_

“I saw him push you against the wall,” Magnus says slowly, the words thick but steady. “I saw him break your arm. I heard the bone crack, and you were screaming, and…” It’s instinctive, the way Alec’s arms tighten around him when he shudders, horror crowding up his own throat and rendering him mute.

“You were on the ground,” Magnus continues a few uneven breaths later, voice rough. “And you… you weren’t getting up, Alexander. And then Jace… the Owl… grabbed your arrow…”

Alec squeezes his eyes shut to hold back his tears of frustration. He doesn’t care that he’s a Greater Demon: he is going to _kill_ Asmodeus.

The moment stretches, each of them held captive by their own emotions, until Magnus disentangles himself, withdrawing enough so that he can meet Alec’s eyes.

“There might have been another choice, once,” he says, looking sad and defeated but beyond all so very tired. Still the most gorgeous being Alec has ever seen. “But at that point, it was either my magic or you, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t watch you die, Alexander. I can’t. Not you too...”

“Okay.” Alec strokes down his arms, tries to breathe through the giant lump in his throat. “Okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

“I can’t regret it,” Magnus whispers, urgency burning too brightly in his eyes. “No matter how- how _hard_ and, frankly, _awful_ this is right now, I can’t regret it, because if I do, if I even _think_ it, then I regret choosing you, choosing your _life._ ” He shakes his head. “I could never do that. I _won’t._ ”

“Magnus…” Alec trails off, helpless. If there are any words that are supposed to make this better, to make this _okay,_ he doesn’t know them.

Magnus looks at him, a little wild, a lot lost, and then just nods. He shuffles and resumes their previous position, his head tucked under Alec’s chin, cheek pressed into Alec’s shoulder.

“I don’t regret it,” he insists some time later, words mumbled into Alec’s shirt, and Alec thinks he must be able to hear how his heart rips in two.

He hugs Magnus closer. Neither of them says anything else, but the words keep echoing in Alec’s head long after Magnus is lying sprawled across his bare chest, breathing deep and even, their legs tangled in the bedsheets.

_How are you supposed to convince me of something that you don’t even believe yourself?_

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like Magnus is a bit OOC? But maybe that's just me...
> 
> #SaveShadowhunters


End file.
